Molly and Luna have bonded a lot since Luna passed away. Not that they weren't close before, but now they're total BFF's. I'm not surprised by this, but am sort of surprised that the bigger and older Molly gets, the more Lucy loves her. Usually adult cats are less patient once their kitten buddies grow up. Lucy did the reverse. They really started bonding once Molly was big enough to wrestle with Lucy, and now that Molly is bigger than Lucy it's just a total lovefest. They wrestle, but the main goal seems to be to pin the other one down and lick their ears. Sometimes they skip the wrestling and just groom each other. It's cute, except when they wake me up in the middle of the night.
It is funny - between the two of them they have most of the traits and quirks of their predecessors, Luna and Rugrat, but it's not a straight Luna-to-Lucy and Rugrat-to-Molly distribution. Lucy's my quirky one-person alpha cat, as Luna was, but she is also my little hyper cat, like Rugrat. Molly's my sweet cuddly talkative Maine Coon, as Rugrat was, but she is also my mellow confident big cat, as Luna was.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Kickass Mashed Potatoes
I have been the unofficial mashed potato maker for the last 35 years or so. Somehow my childhood fascination with the potato ricer ("it squirts out worms!") meant that it became my job, and if I didn't do it, no one else would. I really like mashed potatoes, so as a result, I am pretty good at it.
While I was in CA over break I visited Judy. She had an ultra-rich mashed potato recipe she wanted to try. I made the potatoes while she made the main course. For 5 lbs of potatoes, it had an 8 oz package of cream cheese, 2+ sticks of butter, and some half and half. Yeah, that does sound good. I made a half recipe. It was quite tasty, but somehow it did not live up to the promise imparted by so much butter. (Perhaps we did not add enough butter? I didn't exactly follow the recipe, and added less butter than they called for, since we ran out, but it was still a lot and I added proportionately more cream cheese to make up for it.) In fact, I realized I like my mashed potatoes better, even though they're practically diet food compared to that recipe. Unfortunately, they're not really diet food so I don't make them for myself that often.
My recipe is neither CI-compliant (oh noez, I didn't roast the potatoes and then mash them!!!), nor over the top food-blogger compliant (what - only 3 tbsp of butter!?!? you didn't roast the garlic?), nor diet food blogger compliant (OMG - too many carbs!). But it is easy and good, and you can feel good about not paying $8.49 a lb for pre-made mashed potatoes at Wegman's or Whole Foods. However, if you are feeling lazy I will be happy to sell them to you at that price.
Anyway, my secrets are not so secret. I cook the potatoes in broth, and then use mostly the brothy potato water when I am mashing them, rather than milk or cream. I add some butter and milk or half and half, but not too much. I used to use more milk/cream/butter and less broth, but one time when I made them extra light I got lots of unanticipated compliments. Lastly, I add peeled garlic cloves to boil with the potatoes and mash them right in. If I'm bringing them for a Thanksgiving dinner I'll increase the amount of butter and use half and half, but even then they're not super rich.
Big bowl o' mashed potatoes (intermediate richness level, amount of milk and butter are estimated)
2.5-3 lbs russet potatoes
32 oz broth (chicken or vegetable)
3 garlic gloves, or to taste
1 cup milk
3 tbsp butter
salt and pepper
reserved potato water
Wash and peel potatoes. Cut into chunks and add to soup pot. Add broth, garlic cloves and enough water to cover potatoes. Boil until potatoes are tender. Scoop out potatoes and a bit of the liquid and mash -I use my stand mixer, but a ricer or potato masher is fine too. Add butter, milk and enough potato broth to get them to your preferred texture. I like them moist and fluffy so I add a lot. Add salt and pepper to taste. You can make them in advance and then reheat in the oven or microwave.
While I was in CA over break I visited Judy. She had an ultra-rich mashed potato recipe she wanted to try. I made the potatoes while she made the main course. For 5 lbs of potatoes, it had an 8 oz package of cream cheese, 2+ sticks of butter, and some half and half. Yeah, that does sound good. I made a half recipe. It was quite tasty, but somehow it did not live up to the promise imparted by so much butter. (Perhaps we did not add enough butter? I didn't exactly follow the recipe, and added less butter than they called for, since we ran out, but it was still a lot and I added proportionately more cream cheese to make up for it.) In fact, I realized I like my mashed potatoes better, even though they're practically diet food compared to that recipe. Unfortunately, they're not really diet food so I don't make them for myself that often.
My recipe is neither CI-compliant (oh noez, I didn't roast the potatoes and then mash them!!!), nor over the top food-blogger compliant (what - only 3 tbsp of butter!?!? you didn't roast the garlic?), nor diet food blogger compliant (OMG - too many carbs!). But it is easy and good, and you can feel good about not paying $8.49 a lb for pre-made mashed potatoes at Wegman's or Whole Foods. However, if you are feeling lazy I will be happy to sell them to you at that price.
Anyway, my secrets are not so secret. I cook the potatoes in broth, and then use mostly the brothy potato water when I am mashing them, rather than milk or cream. I add some butter and milk or half and half, but not too much. I used to use more milk/cream/butter and less broth, but one time when I made them extra light I got lots of unanticipated compliments. Lastly, I add peeled garlic cloves to boil with the potatoes and mash them right in. If I'm bringing them for a Thanksgiving dinner I'll increase the amount of butter and use half and half, but even then they're not super rich.
Big bowl o' mashed potatoes (intermediate richness level, amount of milk and butter are estimated)
2.5-3 lbs russet potatoes
32 oz broth (chicken or vegetable)
3 garlic gloves, or to taste
1 cup milk
3 tbsp butter
salt and pepper
reserved potato water
Wash and peel potatoes. Cut into chunks and add to soup pot. Add broth, garlic cloves and enough water to cover potatoes. Boil until potatoes are tender. Scoop out potatoes and a bit of the liquid and mash -I use my stand mixer, but a ricer or potato masher is fine too. Add butter, milk and enough potato broth to get them to your preferred texture. I like them moist and fluffy so I add a lot. Add salt and pepper to taste. You can make them in advance and then reheat in the oven or microwave.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Butternut Squash Ginger Soup
Am I in one of my clean out the cupboards/freezer phases? Yes. Did I have a massive butternut squash in the basement? Yes. Was it a snowy Sunday and thus the perfect time to make soup? Yes. I looked at a few recipes. They all seemed to be too fussy or too caloric, but I did see a few that used a combination of ginger and coconut milk, which sounded good. In the end I improvised my own and skipped all the fussy steps, as well as the ubiquitous onion. I used light coconut milk so it's light but the coconut flavor comes through. It came out pretty well, all things considered. I ate it with steamed spinach and a turkey burger that was also part of the freezer cleanout.
Obviously, this is just a guideline. If you have a smaller squash you might want to decrease the amount of liquids.
It's orange. It looks like butternut squash soup. I am not posting a picture.
1 large butternut squash (mine was 4 or 5 lbs.)
4 cups chicken broth (1 box) or water
1 can light coconut milk
3 tbsp ginger, peeled and chopped.
1 tbsp green curry paste (or improvise with other flavorings)
grated nutmeg (I would probably leave this out next time and use more curry paste)
salt and pepper
Peel and chop squash into 1" cubes. Chop ginger. In a large soup pot or Dutch oven, combine squash, broth, coconut milk, ginger, and curry paste and cook until squash is tender. Carefully puree mixture and season to taste. I didn't puree it too long so there were still some tiny little pieces of ginger which added zing to the soup.
makes a massive amount of soup - I am guessing 8-10 servings.
Obviously, this is just a guideline. If you have a smaller squash you might want to decrease the amount of liquids.
It's orange. It looks like butternut squash soup. I am not posting a picture.
1 large butternut squash (mine was 4 or 5 lbs.)
4 cups chicken broth (1 box) or water
1 can light coconut milk
3 tbsp ginger, peeled and chopped.
1 tbsp green curry paste (or improvise with other flavorings)
grated nutmeg (I would probably leave this out next time and use more curry paste)
salt and pepper
Peel and chop squash into 1" cubes. Chop ginger. In a large soup pot or Dutch oven, combine squash, broth, coconut milk, ginger, and curry paste and cook until squash is tender. Carefully puree mixture and season to taste. I didn't puree it too long so there were still some tiny little pieces of ginger which added zing to the soup.
makes a massive amount of soup - I am guessing 8-10 servings.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Ghost Chile Almonds + Browned Butter Rice Krispie Treats
I'm mostly done with my holiday baking. I was sort of low key about it this year, and was also not as into it as usual. I've been cooking/baking a lot, usually with good results, but for some reason my fickle heart was just not into my old favorites, and I was a little careless. The old standbys came out ok but not great. However, the new recipes I tried turned out fabulous.
I did a lot of nuts this year. I decided to do a batch of savory ones for my brother. (Dude, if you're reading this, SURPRISE!) Inspired by a recipe in the New York Times, I prepared some roasted almonds with a ghost chile powder coating. The ghost chile powder is a gift from my brother so I thought I'd return the favor. It contains dried New Mexico chiles, cumin, garlic powder and a hint of ghost chiles. It doesn't seem hot at first but will sneak up on you.
Hot 'n Spicy Almonds
3 cups raw almonds
2 tsp olive oil
salt to taste (I used about 2 tsp kosher salt)
1/2 tsp ghost chile powder (or cayenne)
Heat oven to 350F. In a bowl, mix almonds with olive oil until coated evenly. Add salt and chile powder and mix well. Place nuts on a cookie sheet and roast for about 15-20 minutes, until they smell toasty. Be careful not to breathe in when opening oven since the capsaicin is pretty volatile. Remove from oven and cool.
They have what seems to be a subtle hint of salt and spice, but the heat sneaks up on you. I could've made them a lot hotter for my brother but for a general crowd this is a good heat level. As they said in the NYT article, that little bit of heat keeps you from eating too many. I'll definitely make them again if I have to bring something to a party.
The second new recipe was the browned butter Rice Krispie treats from the Smitten Kitchen cookbook. (You can find a similar recipe here, but the cookbook version doesn't have any added salt.) I made them for the grad students and they were a huge hit. The brown butter and slightly higher coating/cereal ratio made a big difference.
I did a lot of nuts this year. I decided to do a batch of savory ones for my brother. (Dude, if you're reading this, SURPRISE!) Inspired by a recipe in the New York Times, I prepared some roasted almonds with a ghost chile powder coating. The ghost chile powder is a gift from my brother so I thought I'd return the favor. It contains dried New Mexico chiles, cumin, garlic powder and a hint of ghost chiles. It doesn't seem hot at first but will sneak up on you.
Hot 'n Spicy Almonds
3 cups raw almonds
2 tsp olive oil
salt to taste (I used about 2 tsp kosher salt)
1/2 tsp ghost chile powder (or cayenne)
Heat oven to 350F. In a bowl, mix almonds with olive oil until coated evenly. Add salt and chile powder and mix well. Place nuts on a cookie sheet and roast for about 15-20 minutes, until they smell toasty. Be careful not to breathe in when opening oven since the capsaicin is pretty volatile. Remove from oven and cool.
They have what seems to be a subtle hint of salt and spice, but the heat sneaks up on you. I could've made them a lot hotter for my brother but for a general crowd this is a good heat level. As they said in the NYT article, that little bit of heat keeps you from eating too many. I'll definitely make them again if I have to bring something to a party.
The second new recipe was the browned butter Rice Krispie treats from the Smitten Kitchen cookbook. (You can find a similar recipe here, but the cookbook version doesn't have any added salt.) I made them for the grad students and they were a huge hit. The brown butter and slightly higher coating/cereal ratio made a big difference.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Pumpkin Fest Part 1: Pumpkin Yeast Bread
I got this recipe from the King Arthur Flour website. (Bakers - if you haven't checked out the recipes there yet, I highly recommend it. There are a lot of great recipes as well as the option to convert amounts into ounces or grams. Being a chemist, I like to bake by weight rather than volume ;-)) It was easy to make and the dough rose quickly. I just used my stand mixer to knead it and then gave it a few token kneads by hand at the end. For the second rise I put it out in the garage (45F?) overnight and baked it first thing in the morning. It rose a bit too much so the bread may've been a little bit less tender as a result. It was really good. Next time I'll be more careful with the rise, and may try making some of it into dinner rolls as they suggest.
The flavor of the spices and pumpkin came through nicely. It did not taste very sweet. I like the combination of sweet and savory, so I wouldn't hesitate to use this in a sandwich. It also made good French toast this morning, and was a tasty side for my dinner of pork roast, beets and spinach. I think it would be absolutely delicious as dinner rolls with a chicken or turkey dinner.
The flavor of the spices and pumpkin came through nicely. It did not taste very sweet. I like the combination of sweet and savory, so I wouldn't hesitate to use this in a sandwich. It also made good French toast this morning, and was a tasty side for my dinner of pork roast, beets and spinach. I think it would be absolutely delicious as dinner rolls with a chicken or turkey dinner.
1/2 cup warm water
2 packages (2 tablespoons) active dry yeast
2/3 cup warm milk
2 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups puréed pumpkin, either fresh or canned
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
6 1/2 cups (approximately) unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
2 packages (2 tablespoons) active dry yeast
2/3 cup warm milk
2 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups puréed pumpkin, either fresh or canned
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
6 1/2 cups (approximately) unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
In
a large bowl, stir yeast into water to soften. Add milk, eggs, pumpkin,
oil, 4 cups flour, brown sugar, salt, ginger and cardamom to yeast
mixture. Beat vigorously for 2 minutes.
Gradually add remaining flour, a little at a time, until you have a dough stiff enough to knead. Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Knead, adding flour as necessary, until you have a smooth, elastic dough.
Put dough into an oiled bowl. Turn once to coat entire ball of dough with oil. Cover with a towel and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour.
Turn dough out onto a lightly oiled work surface. Divide dough in half. Shape dough into loaves and place in well-greased 10 x 5-inch pans or, shape half into a loaf, and other half into 12 large dinner rolls. Cover with a towel and let rise until almost doubled, about 45 minutes.
Bake in a preheated 375°F oven. Loaves bake about 30 minutes, rolls about 20. Check the internal temperature of each with an instant-read thermometer; a reading of 190°F means bread or rolls are done.
Immediately remove bread or rolls from pans and cool on a wire rack to prevent crust from becoming soggy. For a shiny crust, brush tops of bread or rolls lightly with vegetable oil. Makes 2 large loaves, or 1 large loaf and 12 dinner rolls.
Gradually add remaining flour, a little at a time, until you have a dough stiff enough to knead. Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Knead, adding flour as necessary, until you have a smooth, elastic dough.
Put dough into an oiled bowl. Turn once to coat entire ball of dough with oil. Cover with a towel and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour.
Turn dough out onto a lightly oiled work surface. Divide dough in half. Shape dough into loaves and place in well-greased 10 x 5-inch pans or, shape half into a loaf, and other half into 12 large dinner rolls. Cover with a towel and let rise until almost doubled, about 45 minutes.
Bake in a preheated 375°F oven. Loaves bake about 30 minutes, rolls about 20. Check the internal temperature of each with an instant-read thermometer; a reading of 190°F means bread or rolls are done.
Immediately remove bread or rolls from pans and cool on a wire rack to prevent crust from becoming soggy. For a shiny crust, brush tops of bread or rolls lightly with vegetable oil. Makes 2 large loaves, or 1 large loaf and 12 dinner rolls.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Cook's Illustrated Pad See Ew
I have developed a fondness for pad see ew since I moved to Ithaca. It's sort of an iffy dish, but Taste of Thai Express does it pretty well, some of the time, and we order lunch from them every Friday. Much to my delight, Cook's Illustrated published their version of it recently. You can find the recipe here.
While I was looking for the recipe online, I also found a NYT article about CI, and its publisher, Christopher Kimball. It was an interesting read and described the history of the magazine. I recommend it if you're a foodie or a CI fan. I hadn't really thought about it too much since until recently I didn't subscribe to any high brow cooking magazines, but it does point out how CI's precise yet middle-brow approach is quite different from a lot of other cooking magazines. They won't show you food porn pictures of a banquet for 16 people, or even pair recipes for a meal, and, as I've mentioned, it's usually all about the secret technique or ingredient. In all my years cooking recipes from them, I've only had one turn out badly. (Admittedly, I do alter ingredients and cut corners, but I like to think that their recipes are overengineered and can withstand a few tweaks, as long as you don't mess with the secret technique or ingredient.) Although they are often fussy with their tricks or secret ingredients, they don't go over the top with hard to find ingredients. This particular recipe relied on soy sauce, fish sauce,* oyster sauce and brown sugar. Compared to some Thai recipes I've seen, that was pretty minimal. It explained why CI is finally doing more international recipes (answer - readers want them) as well as why they don't call them by their common names, e.g. pad see ew rather than Thai stir fried noodles with chicken and broccolini (answer - even though the readers want them they're not sure the real names will go over well with the readers who are less familiar).
I didn't take pictures this time around. I substituted broccoli for broccolini, and boneless lean pork for chicken. I cut up the broccoli, cut up the pork and gave it a quick soak in a bit of water with baking soda (the CI magic trick worked! The pork was very tender even though it was lean and had previously been frozen), soaked the noodles in hot water, made the sauce, and then commenced with stir frying everything in batches, with a little sauce each time The garlic and pork went in first, followed by three eggs. Then I dumped it into a bowl, stir fried the broccoli with some sauce, and then did the same with the noodles. At the end everything was dumped back into the pan and warmed up.
Anyway, it was really good. I'm not sure how authentic it was - I've had it so many different ways that I don't really know what is normal. The noodles were narrower than the ones used in Thai restaurants, but that is a minor detail. It was still better than most restaurant versions, including Taste of Thai Express on a bad or mediocre day. I liked that there was enough sauce - sometimes there is too little, and the noodles are bland. The only thing I would tweak is to add some of those fermented garlic black beans that I sometimes find in there, and possibly a bit of garlic chile sauce. I will definitely make it again.
* Molly the cat was obsessed with the fish sauce. Now I know what to use if I ever need to give her medicine.
While I was looking for the recipe online, I also found a NYT article about CI, and its publisher, Christopher Kimball. It was an interesting read and described the history of the magazine. I recommend it if you're a foodie or a CI fan. I hadn't really thought about it too much since until recently I didn't subscribe to any high brow cooking magazines, but it does point out how CI's precise yet middle-brow approach is quite different from a lot of other cooking magazines. They won't show you food porn pictures of a banquet for 16 people, or even pair recipes for a meal, and, as I've mentioned, it's usually all about the secret technique or ingredient. In all my years cooking recipes from them, I've only had one turn out badly. (Admittedly, I do alter ingredients and cut corners, but I like to think that their recipes are overengineered and can withstand a few tweaks, as long as you don't mess with the secret technique or ingredient.) Although they are often fussy with their tricks or secret ingredients, they don't go over the top with hard to find ingredients. This particular recipe relied on soy sauce, fish sauce,* oyster sauce and brown sugar. Compared to some Thai recipes I've seen, that was pretty minimal. It explained why CI is finally doing more international recipes (answer - readers want them) as well as why they don't call them by their common names, e.g. pad see ew rather than Thai stir fried noodles with chicken and broccolini (answer - even though the readers want them they're not sure the real names will go over well with the readers who are less familiar).
I didn't take pictures this time around. I substituted broccoli for broccolini, and boneless lean pork for chicken. I cut up the broccoli, cut up the pork and gave it a quick soak in a bit of water with baking soda (the CI magic trick worked! The pork was very tender even though it was lean and had previously been frozen), soaked the noodles in hot water, made the sauce, and then commenced with stir frying everything in batches, with a little sauce each time The garlic and pork went in first, followed by three eggs. Then I dumped it into a bowl, stir fried the broccoli with some sauce, and then did the same with the noodles. At the end everything was dumped back into the pan and warmed up.
Anyway, it was really good. I'm not sure how authentic it was - I've had it so many different ways that I don't really know what is normal. The noodles were narrower than the ones used in Thai restaurants, but that is a minor detail. It was still better than most restaurant versions, including Taste of Thai Express on a bad or mediocre day. I liked that there was enough sauce - sometimes there is too little, and the noodles are bland. The only thing I would tweak is to add some of those fermented garlic black beans that I sometimes find in there, and possibly a bit of garlic chile sauce. I will definitely make it again.
* Molly the cat was obsessed with the fish sauce. Now I know what to use if I ever need to give her medicine.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Old Biddy Movie Review plus more: Skyfall
I saw "Skyfall" recently. My movie review will be short, since that's not really my thing. This is the third Bond movie starring Daniel Craig. I was a bit dubious at first, but have since been won over by the newer, darker style, the inclusion of Judy Dench as M, and the fact that these Bond movies are geared a bit more towards women than the older ones. Skyfall continues this tradition. There was more nudity from Bond than from the Bond girls, and there weren't really any Bond girls here. It was darker than the previous two, and dragged on a bit sometimes. Daniel Craig was shirtless quite often. I approve. I was disappointed that they didn't let Javier Bardem be a hot sexy villian and instead made him into a creepy looking one, but I know that is pretty typical. M is the queen of all honey badgers - I want to be her when I grow up. Anyway, I don't think you need to go see it in the theater, but it was enjoyable. I am still holding out hope that Angelina Jolie will be the next 007. She would seriously be the best Bond ever.
But no, the movie review or even the fact that M is a badass honey badger is not really why I'm blogging. No, the real reason that I'm blogging is to do a smackdown of a 50 or 60-something writer (previously accused of sexually harassing a 23 year old coworker) who whined that it's so unfair that Daniel Craig is muscular and sexy, when past middle-aged movie heroes got the hot young babes by means of charm and savoir faire alone. Cry me a river and call the wahhhmbulence - this is the sound of someone who doesn't like it that he has less male privilege than he wants. Gawker and Jezebel already did epic smackdowns of it. I highly recommend checking it out. I shouldn't really have anything more to say, but I do. Is he complaining that men are now held to the same ridiculous standards as women? Is he suggesting that the Bond girls be age- or experience appropriate for Bond, rather than having Denise Richard play a nuclear physicist? Is he bemoaning the fact that in sitcoms and movies it is perfectly common to pair a fat schlubby guy with a supermodel? No. He's just pissing and moaning that James Bond has a nice body now and it's so unfair. Dude, I hate to break it to you, but even in the days when Bond was slightly less ripped, you're no James Bond.
It's been a little while since I did any rants about online dating,* but this just summarized a lot of what annoys me about it nowadays. It's that small subset of middle aged guys who have suddenly gotten more, rather than less, picky and tend to blame women or other men, even fictional ones like James Bond, for their woes. Since I tend not to go for older guys, and they don't go for me either, I was blissfully unaware of this until I hit my 40's and started encountering it in my own age bracket. I can even see it in their profiles sometimes. In person, I get younger guys checking me out all the time, as well as some fairly attractive guys my age and older, but from what I can tell the 40-50 age bracket on OKCupid is full of the pickiest low-libido guys ever. I blame lowered testosterone levels as well as an inability to face reality. My brother has a friend who's sort of like this. I'll call him H. He is my age and is good looking and a total player. He is also very fixated on the really hot young women. A lot of guys who are total players just adjust their expectations somewhat and continue having fun, but not H. Even though he could easily get lots of super hot women in their 30's, he's not having as much success getting the super hot 20-something hotties as he used to, and is not adjusting that well.
Anyway, guys, please get used to the fact that neither you nor the women who will date you are as young and hot as you once were. I know that I am no longer the plump cute Zoe Deschanel lookalike that I used to be**, and that is ok. I don't expect to fuck guys who look like Matt Damon anymore either. But really, it's not all that bad. We bring a lot of experience, humor and maturity to the table. Just because some older guys can attract much younger women doesn't mean that you will. Decide what works best for you, but please don't waste anyone's time with your whining. Life is not TV or movies - you won't get the hot babes just because you have a pulse.
* Mr Cub is still in the picture. I don't know if it will lead to anything, but it is entertaining.
** Sadly, although I did used to have Zoe Deschanel hair, I was born about 10-15 years too soon to fit the adorkable geek girl archtype. I was too far ahead of my time. Geek girls were not popular back then. Of course, my demeanor was/is more like Daria meets honey badger rather than manic pixie geek girl, so that didn't help either.
But no, the movie review or even the fact that M is a badass honey badger is not really why I'm blogging. No, the real reason that I'm blogging is to do a smackdown of a 50 or 60-something writer (previously accused of sexually harassing a 23 year old coworker) who whined that it's so unfair that Daniel Craig is muscular and sexy, when past middle-aged movie heroes got the hot young babes by means of charm and savoir faire alone. Cry me a river and call the wahhhmbulence - this is the sound of someone who doesn't like it that he has less male privilege than he wants. Gawker and Jezebel already did epic smackdowns of it. I highly recommend checking it out. I shouldn't really have anything more to say, but I do. Is he complaining that men are now held to the same ridiculous standards as women? Is he suggesting that the Bond girls be age- or experience appropriate for Bond, rather than having Denise Richard play a nuclear physicist? Is he bemoaning the fact that in sitcoms and movies it is perfectly common to pair a fat schlubby guy with a supermodel? No. He's just pissing and moaning that James Bond has a nice body now and it's so unfair. Dude, I hate to break it to you, but even in the days when Bond was slightly less ripped, you're no James Bond.
It's been a little while since I did any rants about online dating,* but this just summarized a lot of what annoys me about it nowadays. It's that small subset of middle aged guys who have suddenly gotten more, rather than less, picky and tend to blame women or other men, even fictional ones like James Bond, for their woes. Since I tend not to go for older guys, and they don't go for me either, I was blissfully unaware of this until I hit my 40's and started encountering it in my own age bracket. I can even see it in their profiles sometimes. In person, I get younger guys checking me out all the time, as well as some fairly attractive guys my age and older, but from what I can tell the 40-50 age bracket on OKCupid is full of the pickiest low-libido guys ever. I blame lowered testosterone levels as well as an inability to face reality. My brother has a friend who's sort of like this. I'll call him H. He is my age and is good looking and a total player. He is also very fixated on the really hot young women. A lot of guys who are total players just adjust their expectations somewhat and continue having fun, but not H. Even though he could easily get lots of super hot women in their 30's, he's not having as much success getting the super hot 20-something hotties as he used to, and is not adjusting that well.
Anyway, guys, please get used to the fact that neither you nor the women who will date you are as young and hot as you once were. I know that I am no longer the plump cute Zoe Deschanel lookalike that I used to be**, and that is ok. I don't expect to fuck guys who look like Matt Damon anymore either. But really, it's not all that bad. We bring a lot of experience, humor and maturity to the table. Just because some older guys can attract much younger women doesn't mean that you will. Decide what works best for you, but please don't waste anyone's time with your whining. Life is not TV or movies - you won't get the hot babes just because you have a pulse.
* Mr Cub is still in the picture. I don't know if it will lead to anything, but it is entertaining.
** Sadly, although I did used to have Zoe Deschanel hair, I was born about 10-15 years too soon to fit the adorkable geek girl archtype. I was too far ahead of my time. Geek girls were not popular back then. Of course, my demeanor was/is more like Daria meets honey badger rather than manic pixie geek girl, so that didn't help either.
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