When I was in grad school, I loved the snow. It was the most magical thing and it made me immeasurably happy.
There are several caveats to note. I was young and healthy and did not have bum knees or wrists. Also, I lived on campus in a dorm, so I didn't have to shovel it, and I did not have a car, so I did not have to drive in it either. I could frolic in it as I chose, on my way to and from the lab, restaurant or bar.
At age 46, I still love the snow. Unfortunately, now I have a car,* and a steep driveway, and a hilly commute to work, and I am boring and middle aged. It's easy to get caught up in the negative aspects and grumble. I got caught in yet another snow squall* tonight. I looked out of my office and there was nothing. Then I packed up my bag, locked the lab and left. By the time I got outside it was dumping and the ground was completely covered. It was absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, practical me was worried about getting home before it got worse, so that's what I did. I regret that, though. I wish I had recaptured the magic and just walked around and enjoyed it.
* The Subaru + snow tires does really well in the snow. I love it. However, it's still my beautiful new car and I am extra paranoid about other drivers.
**We've had a lot of snow squalls this year, usually when I am driving to and from work. They're pretty intense and dump a lot of snow in a short amount of time (10-30 minutes), and then it stops.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Yik Yak Biddy Whack..
..Give the dog a bone
This old biddy came rolling home.
For those of you who are old or have better things to do, Yik Yak is an app which lets you post and read anonymous commentary. It pings your location and you can see what people are yakking about in your general vicinity or snoop in on what people in other areas are talking about. It's sort of like an anonymous twitter, with all the good and bad that encompasses. According to various articles in the Chronicle of Higher Education, Yik Yak is causing all sorts of problems on some college campus. Students have been using it to bully/harrass other students. More recently, it was a huge problem in one class, with many of the students in this class spending more time yakking about how they hated having to be in class on Friday morning or posting hateful stuff about the professsors than they were probably spending actually paying attention to the class. More than 100 comments were posted during the 3 hour class.
Intrigued, I downloaded Yik Yak to see if this sort of thing was going on here. I was particularly curious to see if they were yakking about my boss, who is teaching a double lecture of second semester organic chemistry. I glanced at it periodically to see what I would find out.
It's not hugely popular here. I noticed a variety of chemistry related yaks, mostly complimentary stuff about Prof. R., who is a senior lecturer and is hugely popular. He's like their cool uncle. Apparently he had read the same article as me, because he was giving them a hard time about yakking in class so they were yakking nice things about him. I didn't see any yaks about other chemistry profs. The important topics of the day were...
1. The weather
2. More complaints about weather
3. Complaints about hangovers, annoying roommates and tuition
4. Odes to naps and sleeping in
5. A heated discussion about the pros and cons of Canada Goose jackets
6. Boners, especially ones spotted on other people
7. The dude who accidentally opened up porn on his phone or computer in math class
8. Making fun of other people or themselves for not wearing proper footwear in the snow
9. Asking for love/sex advice
So really, the kids are alright. I can see how it would become a problem in some instances, especially if it reaches critical mass and everyone starts using it, but all this hysteria over it kind of sounds like old people griping about kids these days. I don't know if its bullying potential is that much worse than that of Twitter or Facebook. Certainly, the little bit that I saw was a lot less threatening that a lot of the shit that went down on Gamergate or the typical trolls on the feminist websites I read.
Thinking that maybe Cornell isn't typical, I then spied on my former neighborhood in Sunnyvale, my undergrad school, and a friend's university. There was a lot of juvenile stuff, but nothing to worry about. For those of you who teach or have kids, I'd be interested in knowing your take on it.
So you know what comes next, don't you..... I then found I was becoming weirdly addicted to it, so I deleted it. I don't really need to know about the boner sightings or people slipping on the chem department steps, although now I'm wondering about those Canada Goose coats...
This old biddy came rolling home.
For those of you who are old or have better things to do, Yik Yak is an app which lets you post and read anonymous commentary. It pings your location and you can see what people are yakking about in your general vicinity or snoop in on what people in other areas are talking about. It's sort of like an anonymous twitter, with all the good and bad that encompasses. According to various articles in the Chronicle of Higher Education, Yik Yak is causing all sorts of problems on some college campus. Students have been using it to bully/harrass other students. More recently, it was a huge problem in one class, with many of the students in this class spending more time yakking about how they hated having to be in class on Friday morning or posting hateful stuff about the professsors than they were probably spending actually paying attention to the class. More than 100 comments were posted during the 3 hour class.
Intrigued, I downloaded Yik Yak to see if this sort of thing was going on here. I was particularly curious to see if they were yakking about my boss, who is teaching a double lecture of second semester organic chemistry. I glanced at it periodically to see what I would find out.
It's not hugely popular here. I noticed a variety of chemistry related yaks, mostly complimentary stuff about Prof. R., who is a senior lecturer and is hugely popular. He's like their cool uncle. Apparently he had read the same article as me, because he was giving them a hard time about yakking in class so they were yakking nice things about him. I didn't see any yaks about other chemistry profs. The important topics of the day were...
1. The weather
2. More complaints about weather
3. Complaints about hangovers, annoying roommates and tuition
4. Odes to naps and sleeping in
5. A heated discussion about the pros and cons of Canada Goose jackets
6. Boners, especially ones spotted on other people
7. The dude who accidentally opened up porn on his phone or computer in math class
8. Making fun of other people or themselves for not wearing proper footwear in the snow
9. Asking for love/sex advice
So really, the kids are alright. I can see how it would become a problem in some instances, especially if it reaches critical mass and everyone starts using it, but all this hysteria over it kind of sounds like old people griping about kids these days. I don't know if its bullying potential is that much worse than that of Twitter or Facebook. Certainly, the little bit that I saw was a lot less threatening that a lot of the shit that went down on Gamergate or the typical trolls on the feminist websites I read.
Thinking that maybe Cornell isn't typical, I then spied on my former neighborhood in Sunnyvale, my undergrad school, and a friend's university. There was a lot of juvenile stuff, but nothing to worry about. For those of you who teach or have kids, I'd be interested in knowing your take on it.
So you know what comes next, don't you..... I then found I was becoming weirdly addicted to it, so I deleted it. I don't really need to know about the boner sightings or people slipping on the chem department steps, although now I'm wondering about those Canada Goose coats...
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
F*&k you, anti-vaccination idiots...
I am so sick of the anti-vaccination nutjobs. This time it's personal. Missy and her family went to Disneyland over Christmas. They brought back a bad case of the flu* and passed it along to me, but fortunately they did not come back with measles. Not everyone was so lucky. Missy's family's "luck" is quite possibly due to the fact that they are
a) vaccinated
b) amoung the 95%-99% of people who've had the vaccination who have immunity
AND
c) maybe they didn't come into contact with someone who had measles
Most of the people who got it had not been immunized, some by choice and some who were too young to get it, plus a few other people who'd had the vaccine but got sick anyway. It's contagious as heck. Now it is getting spread around to other people.
I'm getting up on my Old Biddy soapbox here. When I was 30, I had chickenpox. Somehow, my brother and I avoided getting it when we were kids and had it as adults. The chickenpox vaccine was rolled out in 1995, and it took a while for it to get implemented and for people to get herd immunity. Furthermore, as a 20-something adult, I didn't go to the doctor very much, so from 1995-1998 it slipped under my radar. In 1999, at age 30, I decided it was time to be a grownup and get a primary care physician and have a physical and get up to date on all my vaccines.** I made the first appointment I could get, which was about a month after I called in and made the appointment.
While I was waiting for my physical, I went to a meeting which was also attended by an asshole*** whose kids had chickenpox. I caught it from him. That's how contagious it is - I was just sitting in the same room from someone who had chickenpox virus on him but was immune. Two weeks later I started feeling a bit sore and achy on Saturday. I thought, no big deal, I'd been playing a lot of soccer. So I went out to a party Saturday night, and then played soccer on Sunday and had dinner with a friend. I had one or two itchy spots but assumed they were mosquito bites. On Monday I realized I had chickenpox, and quarantined myself. I was sick and miserable for two weeks, lost 10 lbs of muscle, got a secondary infection and was covered with hives, and my once-photographic memory has never been the same as it was. This is what happened to a healthy 30 year old woman. It could've been much worse if I had been older, had a suppressed immune system, or was just more unlucky.
As far as I know, I passed it along to one other person, at least. She was the host of the party I attended two days before I realized I had it. I do not remember having a lot of contact with her, but, like me, she was a Californian who never had it as a kid. I had no clue that I had it for another 2 days. It is fortunate that I did not go to Disneyland.
That is chickenpox. Chickenpox outbreaks don't make the news. By all accounts, measles is MORE contagious and is MORE dangerous. Don't spread that shit around. You kid is not a precious snowflake with magical immunity due to their special diet, nor are you the only idiot out there who didn't vaccinate, nor will you know when your kid first is contagious. And even if you keep your kid home once you realize they're sick, you may spread it around.
If you avoiding getting them vaccinated because you were worried about autism, put on your grownup pants and get them vaccinated now. Separate out the measles vaccine from the rest if it makes you feel better, but please get it done now. Keep your goddamned magical thinking out of the Magic Kingdom, and everywhere else too.
* This flu that's going around is nasty, and pretty much everyone has come down with it. I got it after I got back from break, and most of my students were either sick during the break or when they got back. One reason it's so prevalent is that this year's vaccine is not very effective against the strains going around this year, so a lot more people are spreading around. Rather than say this means that vaccines don't work, it means they do work and we are seeing what happens when fewer people have immunity than usual. The flu vaccine is made months in advance, and, unlike other vaccines, the vaccine makers have to guess at which strains are going to be prevalent.
**Anti-vaxxers - don't put primary blame on adults who were vaccinated as kids for not getting booster shots as adults, either. We're not the first line of defense here - your kids are. We're riding the herd immunity same as everyone else. In an ideal world we'd all get booster shots the minute we need them or get new vaccines when they are introduced, but most people don't know their exact childhood vaccine schedule or remember if the shot they got when they went off to grad school was a MMR booster or a tetanus shot. Or they may have a one month wait for a physical at Kaiser. So there may be a lag time, as there was with me and the chickenpox vaccine I tried to get.
*** He was an asshole for a lot of reasons which have nothing to do with him giving me chickenpox.
a) vaccinated
b) amoung the 95%-99% of people who've had the vaccination who have immunity
AND
c) maybe they didn't come into contact with someone who had measles
Most of the people who got it had not been immunized, some by choice and some who were too young to get it, plus a few other people who'd had the vaccine but got sick anyway. It's contagious as heck. Now it is getting spread around to other people.
I'm getting up on my Old Biddy soapbox here. When I was 30, I had chickenpox. Somehow, my brother and I avoided getting it when we were kids and had it as adults. The chickenpox vaccine was rolled out in 1995, and it took a while for it to get implemented and for people to get herd immunity. Furthermore, as a 20-something adult, I didn't go to the doctor very much, so from 1995-1998 it slipped under my radar. In 1999, at age 30, I decided it was time to be a grownup and get a primary care physician and have a physical and get up to date on all my vaccines.** I made the first appointment I could get, which was about a month after I called in and made the appointment.
While I was waiting for my physical, I went to a meeting which was also attended by an asshole*** whose kids had chickenpox. I caught it from him. That's how contagious it is - I was just sitting in the same room from someone who had chickenpox virus on him but was immune. Two weeks later I started feeling a bit sore and achy on Saturday. I thought, no big deal, I'd been playing a lot of soccer. So I went out to a party Saturday night, and then played soccer on Sunday and had dinner with a friend. I had one or two itchy spots but assumed they were mosquito bites. On Monday I realized I had chickenpox, and quarantined myself. I was sick and miserable for two weeks, lost 10 lbs of muscle, got a secondary infection and was covered with hives, and my once-photographic memory has never been the same as it was. This is what happened to a healthy 30 year old woman. It could've been much worse if I had been older, had a suppressed immune system, or was just more unlucky.
As far as I know, I passed it along to one other person, at least. She was the host of the party I attended two days before I realized I had it. I do not remember having a lot of contact with her, but, like me, she was a Californian who never had it as a kid. I had no clue that I had it for another 2 days. It is fortunate that I did not go to Disneyland.
That is chickenpox. Chickenpox outbreaks don't make the news. By all accounts, measles is MORE contagious and is MORE dangerous. Don't spread that shit around. You kid is not a precious snowflake with magical immunity due to their special diet, nor are you the only idiot out there who didn't vaccinate, nor will you know when your kid first is contagious. And even if you keep your kid home once you realize they're sick, you may spread it around.
If you avoiding getting them vaccinated because you were worried about autism, put on your grownup pants and get them vaccinated now. Separate out the measles vaccine from the rest if it makes you feel better, but please get it done now. Keep your goddamned magical thinking out of the Magic Kingdom, and everywhere else too.
* This flu that's going around is nasty, and pretty much everyone has come down with it. I got it after I got back from break, and most of my students were either sick during the break or when they got back. One reason it's so prevalent is that this year's vaccine is not very effective against the strains going around this year, so a lot more people are spreading around. Rather than say this means that vaccines don't work, it means they do work and we are seeing what happens when fewer people have immunity than usual. The flu vaccine is made months in advance, and, unlike other vaccines, the vaccine makers have to guess at which strains are going to be prevalent.
**Anti-vaxxers - don't put primary blame on adults who were vaccinated as kids for not getting booster shots as adults, either. We're not the first line of defense here - your kids are. We're riding the herd immunity same as everyone else. In an ideal world we'd all get booster shots the minute we need them or get new vaccines when they are introduced, but most people don't know their exact childhood vaccine schedule or remember if the shot they got when they went off to grad school was a MMR booster or a tetanus shot. Or they may have a one month wait for a physical at Kaiser. So there may be a lag time, as there was with me and the chickenpox vaccine I tried to get.
*** He was an asshole for a lot of reasons which have nothing to do with him giving me chickenpox.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
On interviewing
For most of my professional career, I have operated under the assumption that I am horrible at interviewing. This opinion is largely based on my track record for academic interviews, which was pretty dismal, no two ways about it.*
Lately, I have realized that I am actually pretty good at talking with scientists whom I have never met before, even those who aren't in my subfield of chemistry. As an introvert, I'm not very charismatic, but I am good at talking science and one on one conversations. Granted, I was more nervous during those early interviews, but I don't remember too many instances where the conversation lapsed or got awkward. Likewise, I don't remember any instances where I got grilled horribly during seminar or proposal talks. It's easier to see that now that I am on the other side.
Just the other day, I decided to track my job search results as a function of whether there were any women influential in the interview process. By influential, I mean either a peer or boss. For academic interviews where they have you interview with lots of people, some of whom are not in your subdiscipline and may not have much say in the decision, I have kind of arbitrarily defined it to include both organic and inorganic chemists. The numbers are not surprising, but the outcomes are.
Between 1988 and 2010, I have gone on approximately 30 interviews (including on campus interviews, summer internships, and postdoc interviews.) The majority of those were in the 90's. There has been at least one woman involved in the hiring process in just 8 of those. Sadly, in all of those 8 interviews there was just one woman at my level or higher. For those interviews, I received 3 job offers, one invitation to a full interview which I declined because it was not a good fit, two situations where it was a very close call and I was the second choice but people involved in the search still tell me they wish they could've hired me, and just two jobs where I got neither offer nor anyone telling me that it was a close decision. (It should also be noted that those two interviews were overall quite pleasant.) That's a pretty good track record.
In contrast, in the approximately 23 situations where there were no women involved in the hiring process, I received a grand total of 3 job offers, 2 of which I took. To my knowledge, I was not a "close call" at any of the places who did not make me an offer, either (although I did withdraw my application early for some of them because I had taken another offer). So instead of a 40% success rate and an 75% "close call or better", I was batting about 0.130.
I've decided to stop thinking of myself as a horrible interviewee and will henceforth work at improving my weaknesses and playing up my strengths, while acknowledging that it really wasn't a level playing field.
* The mid-1990's were not a great time to go looking for work as a synthetic inorganic chemist, either in academics or industry, so this may be one major reason as well. The few people that did get hired for the academic jobs were mostly very application oriented. About ten years later, the academic market really turned around, and there are a whole slew of folks hired between 2005 and now.
Lately, I have realized that I am actually pretty good at talking with scientists whom I have never met before, even those who aren't in my subfield of chemistry. As an introvert, I'm not very charismatic, but I am good at talking science and one on one conversations. Granted, I was more nervous during those early interviews, but I don't remember too many instances where the conversation lapsed or got awkward. Likewise, I don't remember any instances where I got grilled horribly during seminar or proposal talks. It's easier to see that now that I am on the other side.
Just the other day, I decided to track my job search results as a function of whether there were any women influential in the interview process. By influential, I mean either a peer or boss. For academic interviews where they have you interview with lots of people, some of whom are not in your subdiscipline and may not have much say in the decision, I have kind of arbitrarily defined it to include both organic and inorganic chemists. The numbers are not surprising, but the outcomes are.
Between 1988 and 2010, I have gone on approximately 30 interviews (including on campus interviews, summer internships, and postdoc interviews.) The majority of those were in the 90's. There has been at least one woman involved in the hiring process in just 8 of those. Sadly, in all of those 8 interviews there was just one woman at my level or higher. For those interviews, I received 3 job offers, one invitation to a full interview which I declined because it was not a good fit, two situations where it was a very close call and I was the second choice but people involved in the search still tell me they wish they could've hired me, and just two jobs where I got neither offer nor anyone telling me that it was a close decision. (It should also be noted that those two interviews were overall quite pleasant.) That's a pretty good track record.
In contrast, in the approximately 23 situations where there were no women involved in the hiring process, I received a grand total of 3 job offers, 2 of which I took. To my knowledge, I was not a "close call" at any of the places who did not make me an offer, either (although I did withdraw my application early for some of them because I had taken another offer). So instead of a 40% success rate and an 75% "close call or better", I was batting about 0.130.
I've decided to stop thinking of myself as a horrible interviewee and will henceforth work at improving my weaknesses and playing up my strengths, while acknowledging that it really wasn't a level playing field.
* The mid-1990's were not a great time to go looking for work as a synthetic inorganic chemist, either in academics or industry, so this may be one major reason as well. The few people that did get hired for the academic jobs were mostly very application oriented. About ten years later, the academic market really turned around, and there are a whole slew of folks hired between 2005 and now.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
7 reasons why "The Year without a Santa Claus" rules
A few weeks ago, Joe and I were discussing Christmas TV specials. He said that Ruldolph was his favorite. That's not entirely surprising, since it came out when he was 4 and was pretty good. Anyway, it got me thinking about Christmas shows. I'm not as sentimental about them as Joe is, probably because we didn't have a TV for part or my formative years, but my favorite one is relatively unknown. It's "The Year without a Santa Claus", otherwise known as "the one with heat miser." I assumed everyone knew about it, but Joe had never heard of it. Without further ado, here's my reasons.
7. The old biddies rule the show. You may think it's about Santa Claus, Heat Miser, and Snow Miser, but they are but mere pawns in the hands of Mrs. Claus and Mother Nature.
6. Santa's tired and burnt out, and sick of ungrateful kids. Even as a baby biddy, I could relate to this.
5. It came out when I was 6, which means it was the cool new show when I was the most impressionable.
4. The 70's are strong in this one. Mother Nature ruling everything, Mrs. Claus in drag, etc. No classical 50's motifs here...
3. Sibling rivalry and your mom laying down the law are main themes here. As a kid, I could relate to that.
2. It took place in a town where it didn't snow in the winter. I grew up in California, but most Christmas specials took place in mystic snow filled places that looked like Buffalo. I could relate to the kids wanting snow for Christmas.
and of course...
drumroll please...
1. Heat Miser and Snow Miser, but really mostly Heat Miser. They're funny looking, they have singing minions, Heat Miser's got a 90's band named after him, and, most importantly, they have the world's catchiest theme song. They're both hilarious, but Heat Miser wins due to his bright orange Don King hairdo and the fact that it looks like he is naked.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
7. The old biddies rule the show. You may think it's about Santa Claus, Heat Miser, and Snow Miser, but they are but mere pawns in the hands of Mrs. Claus and Mother Nature.
6. Santa's tired and burnt out, and sick of ungrateful kids. Even as a baby biddy, I could relate to this.
5. It came out when I was 6, which means it was the cool new show when I was the most impressionable.
4. The 70's are strong in this one. Mother Nature ruling everything, Mrs. Claus in drag, etc. No classical 50's motifs here...
3. Sibling rivalry and your mom laying down the law are main themes here. As a kid, I could relate to that.
2. It took place in a town where it didn't snow in the winter. I grew up in California, but most Christmas specials took place in mystic snow filled places that looked like Buffalo. I could relate to the kids wanting snow for Christmas.
and of course...
drumroll please...
1. Heat Miser and Snow Miser, but really mostly Heat Miser. They're funny looking, they have singing minions, Heat Miser's got a 90's band named after him, and, most importantly, they have the world's catchiest theme song. They're both hilarious, but Heat Miser wins due to his bright orange Don King hairdo and the fact that it looks like he is naked.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
The one in which Old Biddy catches shade from a most unlikely source
I am careful to avoid getting into Facebook wars, or even passive aggressive Facebook snark battles, but I am functioning on approximately 3 hours sleep and have been sitting in Washington National Airport (it still pains me to call it Reagan Airport) for the last seven hours. I am facing another four or five hours of travel, including a 90 minute drive, assuming my flight gets out on time, so it doesn't take much to get me into honey badger mode. Alas, that is what happened, and I'm opting to take the high road (or at least not the low road) and post here, and not on Facebook..
As most of you know, I don't post that much stuff on Facebook, and it is usually cat pictures, geeky stuff, nature pictures, or toilet humor. I don't brag or humblebrag too much (I think), and I don't complain all that often. When I do, it is pretty neutral stuff, like complaining about being stuck at the airport. When I posted that I was stuck at the airport, I didn't think I'd get more than a bit of commiseration, which I got from some of you, as well as a truly shocking story about a flight from hell. However, I also got the following comment from a childhood friend's mom.
"At least you don't have a family at home waiting, Old Biddy, but it is always nice to get home." and she tagged me in the post instead of leaving it untagged.
Um, WTF?!?!?!? I've managed to happily reach perimenopause without anyone daring to snark openly about my singleness and lack of kids so this blindsided me. Apparently, no woman escapes, and by daring to post that I am on a business trip, she took it as a reason to throw some shade in my direction about the fact that I don't have kids or a husband. And sexist shade it indeed is. No one would post something like this if a guy wrote that he was stuck at an airport.
Now, if the person posting this were some older conservative woman who never worked outside of the home, that would be one thing. However, she is a scientist and worked while her daughter was a kid, and I am sure she had to deal with a lot more sexism that I do. She and another female scientist in the neighborhood were role models for me. I assumed that she was a feminist, or at least not a chauvinist. So WTF is she doing posting that?!?!? Is it some kind of delayed guilt? Internalization of patriarchal attitudes? Jealousy that I am eating greasy meals on the government's dime? I am just blown away.
So, for the record, if you wouldn't say it to a guy, it's sexism. It doesn't matter if you're a woman, and a feminist. It doesn't matter if you're an older feminist and think the young'uns have it easy now. Check your assumptions at the door, because we are all the product of a patriarchal society. Even though I never strongly wanted kids, comments like this still sting because (a) she doesn't know if I really wanted kids and couldn't have them, or if I actively avoided it, or something in between, (b) I've absorbed enough patriarchal conditioning to be hurt by her pulling the "pathetic middle aged single woman whose feelings and desires to get home are somehow less important than all of the women with kids and/or husbands, men or young people of either gender who also just want to get home and (c) I am so goddamn sick of the constant chorus of "You are doing it wrong." Fuck this shit. It's not the World Cup of who deserves to get home the most.
So, dear readers, I'm not going to post on Facebook, but I would like you to vote on which retort you like best. Feel free to add your own, but please don't put them on Facebook because I really want to keep things civil and not draw her daughter into this.
A. "Friend's mom, would you even dream of saying that to a guy?!?!"
B. "Friend's mom, you are the last person I would've expected to make such a sexist remark. You were a role model for me when I was a kid"
C. "Friend's mom, Wow, I've hung out and discussed chemistry with two Nobel Laureates this month. I had an awesome time at my grant meeting and have helped bring in millions of dollars in grant money this year. But thanks for reminding me I'm a childless loser who doesn't really deserve to get home on time."
As most of you know, I don't post that much stuff on Facebook, and it is usually cat pictures, geeky stuff, nature pictures, or toilet humor. I don't brag or humblebrag too much (I think), and I don't complain all that often. When I do, it is pretty neutral stuff, like complaining about being stuck at the airport. When I posted that I was stuck at the airport, I didn't think I'd get more than a bit of commiseration, which I got from some of you, as well as a truly shocking story about a flight from hell. However, I also got the following comment from a childhood friend's mom.
"At least you don't have a family at home waiting, Old Biddy, but it is always nice to get home." and she tagged me in the post instead of leaving it untagged.
Um, WTF?!?!?!? I've managed to happily reach perimenopause without anyone daring to snark openly about my singleness and lack of kids so this blindsided me. Apparently, no woman escapes, and by daring to post that I am on a business trip, she took it as a reason to throw some shade in my direction about the fact that I don't have kids or a husband. And sexist shade it indeed is. No one would post something like this if a guy wrote that he was stuck at an airport.
Now, if the person posting this were some older conservative woman who never worked outside of the home, that would be one thing. However, she is a scientist and worked while her daughter was a kid, and I am sure she had to deal with a lot more sexism that I do. She and another female scientist in the neighborhood were role models for me. I assumed that she was a feminist, or at least not a chauvinist. So WTF is she doing posting that?!?!? Is it some kind of delayed guilt? Internalization of patriarchal attitudes? Jealousy that I am eating greasy meals on the government's dime? I am just blown away.
So, for the record, if you wouldn't say it to a guy, it's sexism. It doesn't matter if you're a woman, and a feminist. It doesn't matter if you're an older feminist and think the young'uns have it easy now. Check your assumptions at the door, because we are all the product of a patriarchal society. Even though I never strongly wanted kids, comments like this still sting because (a) she doesn't know if I really wanted kids and couldn't have them, or if I actively avoided it, or something in between, (b) I've absorbed enough patriarchal conditioning to be hurt by her pulling the "pathetic middle aged single woman whose feelings and desires to get home are somehow less important than all of the women with kids and/or husbands, men or young people of either gender who also just want to get home and (c) I am so goddamn sick of the constant chorus of "You are doing it wrong." Fuck this shit. It's not the World Cup of who deserves to get home the most.
So, dear readers, I'm not going to post on Facebook, but I would like you to vote on which retort you like best. Feel free to add your own, but please don't put them on Facebook because I really want to keep things civil and not draw her daughter into this.
A. "Friend's mom, would you even dream of saying that to a guy?!?!"
B. "Friend's mom, you are the last person I would've expected to make such a sexist remark. You were a role model for me when I was a kid"
C. "Friend's mom, Wow, I've hung out and discussed chemistry with two Nobel Laureates this month. I had an awesome time at my grant meeting and have helped bring in millions of dollars in grant money this year. But thanks for reminding me I'm a childless loser who doesn't really deserve to get home on time."
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Old Biddy's Annual Rant on Dress Codes
It's that time of year again, folks. It's finally summer, and that means only one thing. No, I'm not talking about pollen or vacation, I'm talking about the annual outburst of news about school dress codes and the girls affected by them. OMG, exposed bra straps, tank tops, short-ish shorts! Oh no! Won't someone think of those poor boys who are tempted.....Heaven forbid someone see a square inch of a shoulder. I'm not sure if things are getting more puritan, or if more people are speaking out via social media.
This needs to stop. I'm wasting valuable time reading about it that could be better spent on chemistry, gluten-free cooking, looking at cat pictures on the internet, or watching the World Cup.
Fuck you, freakishly sex-obsessed and yet puritanical American attitudes. It has nothing to do with getting students ready for dress codes at work, as some people claim. It's all about the idea that women's bodies are not their own. First we as a society tell young girls that looking pretty is more important than anything else, and bombard them with scanty, frilly stuff to wear in the interest of looking cute and girly. Then around the time that they start to hit puberty, we start to tell them that no, they can't wear that top to school, even if they wore something similar last month or last week without any issues, or their friend who is shorter/taller/fatter/skinnier/cuter/less cute can wear it without getting in trouble. Heaven forbid they go braless, but heaven also forbid if the tiniest bit of a bra strap is visible. They're brazen, boy-tempting hussies either way. And so on, and so forth. It's their unpleasant introduction the to ever-shifting, "U R Doin it Wrong" world of being an adult woman.
Don't get me wrong, I am ok with school uniforms, or even consistently applied, reasonable dress codes. No fingertip rule, or rules that only affect girls, or only take effect once girls hit puberty. And, for heaven's sake, take it easy on kids who are going through growth spurts. Stop obsessing about what girls are wearing; if it bugs you, stop looking. Stop worrying about boys getting boners, too - they're teenagers and are going to get approximately one million boners per day, regardless of their surroundings.
This needs to stop. I'm wasting valuable time reading about it that could be better spent on chemistry, gluten-free cooking, looking at cat pictures on the internet, or watching the World Cup.
Fuck you, freakishly sex-obsessed and yet puritanical American attitudes. It has nothing to do with getting students ready for dress codes at work, as some people claim. It's all about the idea that women's bodies are not their own. First we as a society tell young girls that looking pretty is more important than anything else, and bombard them with scanty, frilly stuff to wear in the interest of looking cute and girly. Then around the time that they start to hit puberty, we start to tell them that no, they can't wear that top to school, even if they wore something similar last month or last week without any issues, or their friend who is shorter/taller/fatter/skinnier/cuter/less cute can wear it without getting in trouble. Heaven forbid they go braless, but heaven also forbid if the tiniest bit of a bra strap is visible. They're brazen, boy-tempting hussies either way. And so on, and so forth. It's their unpleasant introduction the to ever-shifting, "U R Doin it Wrong" world of being an adult woman.
Don't get me wrong, I am ok with school uniforms, or even consistently applied, reasonable dress codes. No fingertip rule, or rules that only affect girls, or only take effect once girls hit puberty. And, for heaven's sake, take it easy on kids who are going through growth spurts. Stop obsessing about what girls are wearing; if it bugs you, stop looking. Stop worrying about boys getting boners, too - they're teenagers and are going to get approximately one million boners per day, regardless of their surroundings.
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