Mantoothache (We're not eating rocks, really!)

 Mancolds aren't limited to actual colds. The same thing happens with toothaches. I could tell the story in three sentences, but I need to vent. 

Short version

Me, 2 months of tooth pain, multiple dentist and endodontist visits, infected tooth with cracked root, attempted root canal aborted,  need to get it extracted.

Joe, massive tooth pain started while I was getting my attempted root canal, day and a half of pain, stayed home from work, expected me to baby him, dead tooth and infection, need to get it extracted. WTF, talk about shitty timing....

TL:DR. Covid didn't get me, but it did break one of my teeth and cracked a filling in another one.  I have a problem tooth.  It was sensitive to cold and sometimes if I chewed something. My dentist couldn't see anything weird in the exam or the X-rays, and told me to come in if it got worse. So for two or three years it got worse extremely slowly.  After a few nights of tooth grinding two months ago, I was eating dinner when suddenly the tooth hurt like hell and didn't get better after a few hours or even a day.  I went to the dentist and they looked at it and tapped on it, and thought that it was some nerve pain from tooth grinding.  I got a mouthguard and the pain decreased. Things were good for a few days and then half of the tooth cracked and fell off when I was eating (there was a large filling in there and it sheared off. ) Great.  The good news was that it no longer hurt. I went back to the dentist and they thought it might need a root canal since I had been complaining about the pain.  Thanks to the fact that everyone else is breaking teeth due to covid, there was a 5 week wait for a root canal appointment.  I was able to get it down to four weeks by putting my name on the standby list.  Meanwhile it started hurting again. My dentist prescribed antibiotics since it seemed like it was infected, which helped a lot. Then another piece of the filling broke off. All of this was sort of reminiscent of my former problem tooth, which was problematic, broke, had a root canal, continued to be sensitive, and then got infected and had to be removed and replaced with an implant, which has been great for 16 years.

On Wednesday, root canal day had finally arrived. I was nervous but also eager to have less pain. The endodontist opened things up and looked around.  As I had expected, there was a crack in the outside of root and the tooth was infected. It was a borderline case - the Dr said she thought a root canal* would be a short to medium term solution - maybe 5-7 years realistically.  After two months of tooth pain, I opted to go with extraction and an implant, so she finished cleaning things out and put a temporary filling there. I went back to my office and was chattier and more animated than I'd been in two months, thanks to all the novocaine in my jaw. 

When I got home Joe was on the couch with a major toothache. He had a tooth break three years ago and he didn't go to the dentist for it, even though he's on my insurance and I bugged him a few times before giving up.  Naturally,  it suddenly started hurting really bad when I was off getting my exploratory pre-root canal. Joe was in a lot of pain.  I felt really bad for him and took care of him, but I was also cranky as fuck internally because a) he ignored it for 3 years b) I was the one with the almost root canal that afternoon and c) he tried to get me to give him some of my antibiotics. After I got him set up with water, advil, and a blanket, I went upstairs and did some work and left him to his own devices.

I got Joe set up with an appointment with my dentist, and they determined that the tooth was dead and he had an infection. The antibiotics started to take effect fairly quickly so he's on the mend until he can get it pulled out. We'll be the soft food brigade for the next month or two. As an amusing aside, we compared our antibiotic prescriptions and realized that mine was 3 days longer than his -not what you'd expect based on all the drama.....

It's not like I was unusually stoic or anything - Joe heard the play by play of all my dental woes as they happened, and it's not like he was unsympathetic or unsupportive, but holee shit this reminded me of the gendered expectations of emotional and actual labor.  The fact that we were going through something very similar at the same time and I was still expected to be the one who had to stop at the store to pick up stuff and make the call to my dentist for him is really messed up.  I point blank told him that I would make my own dental appointment calls first and encouraged him to call the dentist directly, but in the end the oral surgery office called at 7:30 AM so that was  done before anything else opened up.

It was a learning experience for both of us, and I think now we're better calibrated to the other's pain response. Assuming we don't get our teeth pulled on the same day, I am going to just ask Joe to do all the stuff for me that I will do for him.

*I would've actually needed two root canal procedures if I had gone that route.

some more of my contrarian opinions

Apropos of nothing, here are a few more of my random, probably unpopular opinions. They're extra salty because I've had a toothache for the last two months and can't get a root canal for another two weeks.

Colleges should get rid of most of their sports teams or turn them into club teams. I'm looking at you, fencing, squash, etc.  It's a huge waste of money and an affirmative action plan for rich white kids. Put a fraction of the money spent into gyms, pools, and IM sports.

When the Covid pandemic is over, we should look carefully at some of the workarounds and keep the good ones. 

As someone who was a dork in high school, I have a hard time relating to folks who are wringing their hands over their kids not being able to have the traditional senior year experience. Mind you, I have a lot of empathy for everyone, but I don't consider single day events like prom and graduation to be all that important.

Older boomers and pre-Boomers in positions of power or influence need to retire at a reasonable age. Figure out a part time gig or make other plans, but we'd be better off without gaggles of 75+ politicians, faculty, opinion writers, etc still working on a full time basis. This is triply true for politicians.  As a cranky Gen X person, it pisses me off that people not retiring have created a backlog of stalled careers, not to mention a lack of progress overall.

On a related note, if we can't have Medicare for all, at least start it at 50 or 55 so that people are covered if they can't find a job, have to caretake for an elderly relative or want to retire or pursue non-traditional careers. 

 

 

 

A few more random musings

 I had my physical yesterday.  I really didn't want to go just yet but the Dr's office is proactive in contacting me to schedule one if I put it off. My weight is as high as it's ever been (all gained since November ;-() and my blood sugar was high (thanks, Covid and menopause) but everything else was ok. My Dr. was ok with it. In this weird year, staying up to date on all my routine stuff (gyn, dentist, eye, mammogram, vaccinations, etc) and not catching Covid are enough.

I went through a month of serious demotivation. You'd think that getting vaccinated would help, but it didn't.  Perhaps I let my emotional guard down too early. I couldn't get my shit together to write a simple report and had little motivation to cook, exercise, or give a shit and I had zero willpower against junk food, hence the weight gain. All my surge capacity was depleted about 6 months ago. I muddled through by getting stuff in at the last minute. No one seemed to notice, perhaps since many of them are going through something similar. 

Sewing is my pandemic hobby, or perhaps buying fabric, patterns and supplies is actually my hobby.   I enjoy the meditative mindfulness that I have when I am making something.  My brain is working just enough to keep me from thinking about other stuff and I can get into happy hyperfocus mode.  It reminds me of doing chemistry back in grad school, where I didn't have everyone coming to ask me questions all the time like now. Getting clothing that fits in fabrics that I like is an added bonus.

My mom is annoying me with her vaccine-hesitancy. She won't admit to not wanting it but she's using every excuse she can not to get it, and my libertarian brother doesn't help matters. Her usual excuse is that it's hard to get an appointment and she doesn't get out much so other people need it more.  Fuck that fake martyrdom bullshit.  Seriously.  If she was 50 years old, living alone, working from home and ordering all her groceries on line that would be one thing. She's reliant on my brother and to a much lesser extent me, and her not getting it makes our lives harder not easier.  Second, if she gets it she is way more likely to end up in the hospital than someone younger. She also parrots random statistics she reads online, some of which I've heard and are legit, and some are gleaned from the sketchy right wing corners of the internet such as the Drudge Report. Sheesh.  I should just find her an appointment and book a LYFT for her when it's time.

So much hypocrisy

I am just so sick of selfish people thinking that they're magical unicorns that won't get COVID or infect other with it.  COVID-19 and the other events of have laid bare a lot of hypocrisy.  Here are a few.  Feel free to add more.

SNOWFLAKES: Holee shit this one is so damned obvious. If you're protesting not being able to go to Applebee's or get your nails done, you can never ever call anyone a snowflake again.

SELF-CONTROL: As a fat person I have had my self-control and willpower questioned for most of my life, despite doing other stuff that obviously takes lots of energy and willpower, like getting a STEM PhD.  If you can't deal with wearing a mask/not having happy hour at Applebee's/not doing non-essential travel/getting take out instead of dining in, you have no right to say diddly-squat about anyone's self-control.  Likewise, you just lost the right to pretend you were just worried about my health, not that I ever believed that one.

EXERCISE: No, the risk of not going to the gym is not higher than the risk of COVID, even if it's coupled with a year of eating too much. STFU.

PRO-LIFE: If you are anti-abortion and aren't masking up/social distancing/doing everything you can to prevent spreading COVID/etc now, shut the fuck up about the sanctity of life. The same goes for any churches pushing to re-open for in-person services.

KIDS' EDUCATION AND MENTAL HEALTH: Look, this is hard on everyone, but if you don't give a shit about guns in school, you don't get to get up on a soapbox about how we need to reopen in-person K12 schools now.

 

 

Enough FB vaccination posts already...

My probably unpopular hot take of the day, part 1: If I have to wonder why you were able to get a COVID vaccination, please don't post it on Facebook right now.  I don't begrudge you getting it, but the process is pretty random and I'm jealous. And if you're working from home and aren't in a high risk yourself or living with people who are, hold your horses and chill for a few weeks and let people who can't work from home get it rather than busting your butt spending several hours online or on the phone trying to cut in line

Longer version. I'm 100% in favor of the COVID vaccine, and also in favor of my friends and acquaintances and everyone to receive it as soon as possible. However, I've reached the point where I'm getting snarky about seeing FB vaccination posts from people who are NOT older than 70, don't have obvious pre-existing conditions, and aren't health care and front line workers (including public-facing retail and food service), and teachers. Yes, you, random FB friend who is 60-ish and teaches yoga online a few times a week, I'm talking about you.  I really don't need to see your FB post about it. You won't get  an in person audience for your yoga classes until a lot more people get vaccinated, anyway.

I was a bit taken aback by my reaction.  Most of the fault lies in the random and haphazard way that it is being rolled out to the public, as well as all the Trump-induced delays/missing vaccines/etc.  Figuring out how to prioritize who gets it first becomes a crazy ethical and statistical morass after the obvious folks at the top of phase 1A, and there are no obviously right answers. For instance, my 82-year old cancer survivor mom claims she doesn't need to rush to get it* since she never goes out, but she still relies on my brother and I to help her out, so she still is indirectly exposed.  I don't know the right answer to this - my gut feeling is that she should get it now that she is eligible, and I don't object to anyone doing that, even my dilettante yoga teacher acquaintance.

Still, with everything varying from state to state and county to county, it's easy to get jealous.  I'm in a low incidence county so we're not allocated doses as fast, which makes sense, but I still get jealous.

* My parents and brother are being stubborn and don't want to get the vaccine.  I am not thrilled by this and am trying to convince them to get it, but that's a blog post in itself.

Surge Capacity

 If you haven't already read Tara Haelle's article on how COVID has sapped our physical and emotional reserves, go read it here.   

I hit a wall shortly before Christmas.  By this I mean I just got absolutely cranky and fed up with things. The pandemic had totally depleted my surge capacity and left me totally drained.  After sewing a bunch of masks for gifts and making a bunch of holiday cookies I just got absolutely fed up with doing anything for anyone other than myself. I know that sounds horribly selfish, but at both work and home I had been putting my own needs and self-care at the bottom of the priority list. After a week of being a slug, I had returned to normal, more or less, but some recent collaboration drama has taken a toll and it will be good to have a different set of responsibilities for a while.

I’m super privileged and recognize it, but I’ve hit a wall/just gotten completely fed up with things a few times already.  I haven’t said much about it because I know I have it so good compared to most people. The first time was shortly before lockdown ended, because I was burnt out from doing virtually everything around the house.  It started out randomly enough, with our dishwasher dying shortly before lockdown, but then we were stuck without one. Add to that me working from home and Joe still going in, but doing a lot of the duties of his furloughed colleagues as well as his own.  He fell into a funk, and when this happens he usually becomes lazy AF.  I fell into the trap of doing almost everything, either because I was home during the day or because he was really tired after work and I thought that letting him chill would help him snap out of it. That strategy works for me, but rarely works for Joe. The endless dishes pushed me over the edge and I blew up at him a few times before the new dishwasher was installed in early June.

I hit another wall in the late summer.  I was back in lab full time and was trying to do my own work and at the same time most of the extra COVID hassle/logistics was still around.  Things were very much up in the air with all the undergrads coming back to town, and the grad students/postdocs were a lot more needy than in pre-COVID times.  Some of it was just coincidental (e.g. new postdoc working on my project) but some of it was a result of there being fewer people around – my boss was mostly working from home, as was our admin, a bunch of people graduated, and we were social distancing so there were just fewer people around at any given time, so most of it ended up coming to me. I could feel it coming in slow motion, and mostly just let myself ride the wave of crankiness until things settled into a new equilibrium.

The latest wall was not a surprise at all, although the way that it hit was unexpected.  I had known I’d be tired in early/mid December since I had a proposal due on my birthday. Joe was falling into a funk at the same time and starting to slip into slug mode; fortunately I recognized that early on and offloaded a lot of the cooking to him.  This helped a lot and I suspect that if I hadn’t done this I would’ve gotten fed up much sooner.  

Flying in the time of COVID

I am on a plane as I write this, although I will post it after I’ve landed. I’m headed to CA to visit my parents for three and a half weeks and let my brother get a break.  I’ll be working remotely for part of that time and mostly just trying to take care of my parents and not give them COVID and not catch it myself. It’s been almost a year since Jim was able to get any time away, and even that was less than optimal due to my mom going rogue and the fact that he was still recovering from a very bad flu he had, which may have been COVID or maybe not. He had a shorter break scheduled in the fall but that was derailed by a health issue with one of our parents.  There are so many I can’t even remember the specifics.  Fortunately, in 2020 they had a total of one night in a hospital, compared to 70 nights in a hospital or convalescent facility in 2019.

I’m sitting in first class and am masked up with a KN95 and wearing a face shield. The flights have been nice and empty and I was comfortable in my level of safety on the Ithaca flight.  It was very empty and the passengers appeared to be mostly Cornell folks, who typically get COVID tested once a week, sometimes more and are generally careful. The Detroit airport was a mixed bag, with a few maskless folks as well as those with their noses hanging out, wearing bandanas, or taking off their masks more than was absolutely necessary.  Unfortunately, the asshole behind me had his nose hanging out for a while until I complained to the flight attendant.  I am very nervous about that. He took his revenge by ripping some loud farts after I complained, which may or may not have been coincidental.

I wish I could’ve waited until we all got vaccinated, but that may be a long time. I am very conflicted and scared that I am travelling at all, but Jim really needs a break and I’ve delayed this visit three times already.  I won’t be able to fully quarantine but will stay masked at all times and keep a distance.

My mom’s cat, Yogi, is very old (>20?) and is at the tail end of his nine lives. Jim is spending as much or more time taking care of Yogi as he does with our parents. I may have to take him to get put to sleep while I’m in CA.  Jim and I are both worried that when Yogi dies it will be very hard on them.  Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time we’ve dealt with this situation. Two years ago my dad’s cat was really doing poorly and I had to push him to agree to put her to sleep. It was the right thing to do, as she was suffering a lot and tended to stand underfoot and was a huge tripping hazard for him.  His health took a downturn a few months later.