New Years Resolutions 2012

I don't always make New Year's resolutions, but when I do I fail spectacularly.
OK, enough Dos Equis man jokes. Sometimes I make resolutions, sometimes I don't. The diet and weight loss ones usually fail, but I'm ok at keeping more general ones, even exercise ones, as long as there is a central theme.
This year, the overarching theme is to be nicer to myself, physically and mentally. The specific details may vary throughout the year. At the moment, my goal is to get back in shape physically* and get my honey badger mojo back in all other aspects of my life. It has been pretty good overall but took a bit of a beating during the cowdude incident.
Anyway, I joined a new gym. This even involved spending money. The Cornell one was just too crowded and smelly and the equipment was in poor condition.** As a result, my workouts were shorter and more infrequent than they should've been. The local fancy gym just opened up a new location near campus. It's got tons of nice new cardio and weight machines, space to do my physical therapy exercises, and (very importantly) lots of stations on the tvs on the cardio equipment. It also has non-students to talk to. I'm not a chatty person but was missing having people my own age to exchange pleasantries with at the Cornell gym.
As another manifestation of my resolution, I've resolved to be less tight-fisted when it comes to spending money on being nicer to myself. This is not really about clothes or shopping, at least not at the moment. It's more about things like getting the gym membership, getting massages occasionally, or actually taking more vacations this year. I've always been frugal, although not consistently so, but my time being unemployed had left me too cheap for my own good, on occasion.
So anyway that's my resolution for the year.

* Of course, losing weight and looking better is also goal but I'm making it I won't bore you with that. If you want a virtual workout buddy or diet buddy, I'm your biddy buddy and we can converse by other means, but I won't blog about the specifics unless there is another reason to do so.

** even some of the students aren't too fond of the on-campus gym. There were some at the new gym last night, and one of the grad students in the group splurged for a one-month membership at the downtown, fancier location. The offshoot of this, and the transient nature of the academic community, is that gym membership policies are very different here. Initiation fees are pretty low (I paid $10) and it's month-to-month. Short term memberships are available for not too much more than ongoing ones, and lack the initiation fee. This is all very different than back in the Bay Area.

What I got for my birthday...

a partial and somewhat strange list, in no particular order

shrimp and grits and coconut chocolate banana cream pie - thanks Chris!
snow on the ground - thanks Mother Nature!
one freshly killed dead cardinal and world class playing with dead prey exhibition - uh, thanks, Lucy?!?!
a happy birthday song on my voicemail from a classroom of 4th graders - thanks Missy and co!
flowers - thanks T, a nice surprise but WTF?!?
a home depot gift card - thanks, Dad!
an owl T-shirt and the best card ever - thanks Missy and Kadin!
no card, phone call or email - thanks for nothing, and WTF, cowdude?!?

WTFlowers?!?

I got a call from a florist today saying that they had some flowers for me but didn't want to leave them outside since it near freezing. I almost told them they had the wrong number since I have never ever received flowers from a florist.
Anyway, a few possibilities about the identity of the sender crossed my mind, none correct. The flowers were from none other than T (who, for the new readers, is my ex, who never did this when we were dating.)
Um, WTF?

Something in the water, part 2

I just realized that there is a mini baby boom going on within the department. Just about every married guy that I know whose wife is under 40 is expecting a kid. Granted, it's not a huge number, but given the apparent fertility enhancing effect here I am glad that I am a dried up old biddy.

More random old-biddy musings

We've had a very mild fall so far. Apart from two dustings of snow and a few cold days, temperatures have been above average. I alternate between being in denial about winter and looking forward to it.
My older cats are nowhere near as delusional. Rugrat and Luna won't go out when it's colder than a typical CA winter day. Lucy is young and feisty and has no such issues. She goes bolting out the door at full speed even when it's below freezing. I am curious to see what she does when there is a lot of snow on the ground.
The neighborhood bear is back, about a month later than last year. It knocked down a bunch of bird feeders and pooped on the neighbors' deck. So far it hasn't gone after my sewer cap yet.
I am looking forward to being able to relax over thanksgiving. I haven't been able to do so for the last two years. Last year I was working on the NSF proposal, and two years ago everything was up in the air with the layoff.

Honey badgers in grad school/the old biddy honey badger speaks

We've had a epidemic of stressed-out students. They're crying at the drop of a hat and taking off without telling their advisor that they'll be out. I can guess at some of the causes (second year stress, job search stress) but I don't think I know the whole story.
As a result, my boss (G), our sabbatical visitor (C) and me are having lots of old fogie/biddy conversations about "back in the day", i.e. when we were in grad school in the early 90's. I haven't been doing this long enough to know if the students are really that different or if I am just looking at my grad school experience with rose colored glasses, since I did have a relatively easy time of it, and was in one of the top groups in the world for my subfield. However, I think the biggest issue is that we have a few students who aren't in touch with their inner honey badger yet, and they're the ones having issues.
Grad school is not for the faint of heart or easily discouraged. One must be sort of like a honey badger in that regard. You have to be determined to get through, you have to be somewhat thick-skinned, and there are times when you can't let the minor and not so minor setbacks get to you and just keep working and powering through. So what if you don't catch the cobra - go eat a few mice while you regroup and keep trying for the big game.
When I was in grad school the whole group was a veritable den of honey badgers, and our advisor was a total honey badger himself. Of the people who left the group without graduating, most had adequate chemistry skills but none were honey badgers. There were a few assholes in the group, but it was mostly just determined people. There were times that we clashed with each other but apart from the few major assholes it was usually done and forgotten very quickly. In a way, it was a relief to be surrounded by other honey badgers. Perhaps not coincidentally, a disproportionate number of my groupmates from that era have gone on to do very well for themselves.
Keep in mind that when I describe someone as a honey badger, I am using grit and determination as my main definition, not being an asshole. There are some honey badgers who are assholes, and more who aren't.
There are some honey badgers here in G's group, but I'd like to see more of it. I'm not sure if this is related to the way that the millenials were raised, with grade inflation, trophies for participation, helicopter parents and less freedom to fail and learn from the experience.

In memory of a former colleague

Today I got an email from a former coworker of mine 'A', telling me that his wife, 'B', who was also a coworker, had passed away last month. He said that they were married recently, and have a 3 year old daughter. She was 49.
They were both extremely private people, and he didn't give any details, and I did not find any in the obituary listing. I do not know how much of the secrecy was inherent in B's personality, and how much was due to them starting their relationship when they were coworkers and A was possibly still married to someone else - I suspect it was a bit of both.* Our former company was a bit of a fishbowl in that regard and I can totally understand the need for secrecy. Even after they had both moved to Southern California, they did not let it slip that they were together, and the first official mention that they were together was in the email telling me that she had died. I'm not one for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but that in itself makes me profoundly sad.
It is kind of weird to write about someone who was so private and whom I did not know well. I worked with B for several years, but I did not know her that well. I always assumed that she was several years younger than me, based on when she graduated and the fact that she looked younger, but today I found out she was actually seven years older than me. She had a dry sense of humor, and managed to stay out of the office politics with grace and dignity. Her death hit me hard, even though we hadn't spoken in several years.

* I've got good old biddy relationship radar when it comes to speculating on people's love lives, but I deliberately turn it off and keep my mouth shut when it comes to people who are friends first. Although I know this often leads to relationships, I turn a blind eye and resist the urge to gossip simply because back in the day it used to piss the hell out of me when people assumed that my male friends and I were sleeping together.

Irene and Ilene/Old Biddy is old

As you may know if you've been watching the news, Hurricane Irene and an earthquake passed through the east coast this past week. The earthquake was more of a curiosity than anything else. The interesting thing is that they can be felt from much greater distances here, due to a lack of fissures in the earth to dissipate the force. So it's not unusual that people in Detroit felt an earthquake in Virginia, but it is highly unlikely that people in SF would feel a similar sized earthquake in LA.
Hurricane Irene took aim at the I95 corridor. I'm not a big fan of hurricanes or tornados - I kind of prefer natural disasters for which I don't get advance warning. We're far enough inland and north that there isn't much danger of us getting anything hurricane force, but we do get the edges of things that hit Boston or NYC. Fortunately for everyone, Irene did not hit with nearly the force that was anticipated. At the moment we're getting a lot of rain and wind. I'm using it, and my sore back, as an excuse to be lazy.
I am getting old. I have noticed that if I run hills or do a vigorous downhill hike, I am prone to tweaking my back later that day or the next day. It's not a problem if I just run flats, but here in Ithaca that pretty much limits me to the track or the treadmill. I did it on Monday, and then retweaked it worse on Friday. It hurt to walk and I had a pronounced lean to my left. So in my case, Hurricane Irene really should've been called Hurricane Ilene.
Cowdude and I were supposed to go to the New York State Fair yesterday. Due to my trip to CA later this week and the bad weather today, yesterday was the only day we could've gone. (Cowdude may have to do booth duty there next weekend.) I was really looking forward to it because I like state fairs, and because I was curious to see Cowdude in his element. Unfortunately, walking long distances and sitting for long periods was not in the cards yesterday. So Cowdude came to my place instead and we had a relaxing evening and waited out part of the hurricane. He gave me an extremely good massage and popped my back, which got rid of the lean and a lot of the pain.
While I welcome the massages, at the moment I'm not crazy about this getting old business. I like the wisdom, maturity, and better financial situation, and I accept the wrinkles, slowing metabolism, and grey hairs as part of the process, but I really don't like the aches and pains. Between my bad knees, carpal tunnel syndrome, this back thing, and the tendinitis in my shoulder,* I can't swim, run, play soccer, or do certain yoga/pilates/weight training exercises. Not coincidentally, I have gained a few lbs since moving here, and feel like I'm in a catch 22 situation where I need to lose weight to help with the back/knee issues but that is a lot harder with most of my preferred exercise options not possible at the moment. I was in a similar situation before and immediately after my knee surgery. It's too early to tell, but I hope that physical therapy will help to at least get me back into the pool, which was what helped me to get over the hump and get back in shape after knee surgery.

*Note to the unaware: All my health complaints are due to exercise or work. None are from lying around being a slug. Not that it matters one way or another, but sometimes I wonder how I would be physically if I had not exercised very much after childhood and not stayed in the lab after graduation. I suspect I would have be less physically sore but might be more at risk for heart attacks, diabetes, etc. So it's dammed if you do, damned if you don't.

Naked math dreams

I had that dream again last night, the one where I'm out in public doing something completely normal, like getting coffee with a coworker, and I am completely naked. Sometimes there is a reason for it in the dream, like it is too hot outside, but other times I am just naked for no apparent reason and belatedly realize that I have no clothes on and this is not a good thing. The ending is always the same - I just act like nothing is out of the ordinary and hope that people don't notice, and then I wake up.
Another recurring dream is the college math class dream. This is the one where I have signed up for some advanced math class and either don't go and don't do the homework, or, more commonly, I don't even realize I am supposed to be taking it. Once in a while the dream varies and it is some class other than math.
I never made the connection until now. It's not about math, or nudity. I don't have particular hangups about either. I suspect it has something to do with worrying about being caught unprepared.
I feel like my brain moves slowly sometimes, and I have forgotten a lot of what I learned in college or grad school. Perhaps this is the reason for the dreams. I felt it acutely last week at the conference, although it was more in my head than in reality.

The Old Biddy Speaks: Gordon Conference Etiquette

Dear graduate students and postdocs,
If by chance you are fortunate enough to attend a gordon conference and there are lots of other grad students from your own school there, do not spend all your time hanging out with them. It's not the ACS meeting. Make an effort to meet students from other schools and the more senior scientists who are attending. You don't have to hang out with them very much, but it is a valuable networking opportunity and you should make the most of it. You will be seeing these people at conferences for the rest of your career, and who knows when they will be interviewing you, reviewing one of your papers or proposals, etc. A little chit-chat will go a long way, even if you don't think it's someone influential or interesting.
While we're on the subject of etiquette, it's also bad form to skip some of the talks, even if you're hungover and would really rather sleep in. Exceptions will be made for work-related things like phone conferences, but if you're a grad student you may not have too many of those. Again, this is not ACS. People do notice if you're not there. Look around - your more senior colleagues are staying out as late as you and are still going to the talks. Believe me, it takes much longer to get over a hangover and sleep deprivation when you are an old biddy.
I know these things are kind of non-obvious and very different from the ACS meeting. I'm not sure I would've known them as a grad student, which is why I am giving you the benefit of my wisdom.
Love,
-Old Biddy

I'm back from the Gordon Conference now. For those of you who aren't scientists, the Gordon Conferences (GRC) are small, subject specific conferences. To foster discussion and interaction, attendance is limited and there is only one session going on at any time. Typically, there are talks in the mornings and evenings, and you have the afternoon free to sleep, do other work, get exercise, or socialize. Regardless of the subject matter, GRC's are a great place to meet new people and catch up with people you already know.
Over the years, my favorite GRC (FGRC) conference has changed somewhat. It used to be very difficult to get in as a grad student or postdoc. There might be only one or two students at the meeting. Other GRC's had more space, so some senior grad students or postdocs could attend. Usually only one or two people per group would attend. I went to one as a senior grad student and it was a very valuable experience. A friend from another group went, and we managed to meet most people there, even though we did mainly hang out with the other students. In recent years FGRC has been able to include a few more students and postdocs.
To give more students a GRC experience, a few years ago the GRS's were started. These have a similar format but are geared towards students and postdocs. They typically take place before or after the main GRC, and some of the students attend both.
This year, there was only one GRC going on at the conference site in Newport, so the organizers could let in more people. So the conference had twice as many people as the last time I was there, which was the year with the lowest attendence. They let in a lot of the people from the GRS, which is fine in theory. However, they did not take this into account when budgeting for beer and pizza, so all of us old biddies and fogies didn't get enough and that made us cranky and start reminiscing about the good old days.
Seriously, my liver and my waistline are grateful for the fact that, unlike in previous years, I did not get unlimited pizza and booze. And the good old days were not perfect - it's nice to have students there and not just see the same people every year. However, I did feel like there was something lacking. At first I thought that maybe the conference had just gotten too big, which is probably true, and that I had gotten antisocial in my old age, which is probably also true. But I was doing a better than average job of meeting new people and networking, so it wasn't completely pervasive. Upon talking to other attendees (including students) about it, I realized that it was mostly a problem of critical mass. So many of the student attendees knew each other, either from grad school or the GRS, that they tended to stick together in larger groups into which it was hard to make headway if by chance you sat down at their table at lunch or were hanging out at the poster session. Students who were there by themselves or with one or two of their compatriots tended to mingle a lot more than those who were there with a whole contingient of their buddies. If I were in their shoes, I'm sure I would do the same thing.
Although I did notice the students swooping in and taking all the beer and pizza, I actually didn't notice whether they were all there for the talks, especially since there were whole herds of them I didn't meet and hardly saw, but one of the students (who'd been helping the conference chairs with the cleanup, organization for next year, etc) mentionned it.
Yes, I do realize this whole post makes me sound like a cranky old biddy!

Mistaken Identity

I get a bit cranky when I get phone calls or emails trying to collect money from people who aren't me. I think you can probably relate to this. I've had more than usual this week.
The one that I don't know how to deal with is the debt collector phone calls for someone who is not named Old Biddy and lives at a different address. The canned message goes something like this. "This is a message for Alicia Maldonado who resides at Not-Old-Biddy's address. Please hang up if you are not Alicia Maldonado. By staying on the line you are confirming that you are Alicia Maldonado. Please call Sleazy Debt Collection Agency and reference # xyz." Uh, WTF, by staying on the line I am confirming that I have an answering machine, not that I am Alicia Maldonado. I am not sure if I should call them and tell them that I am Old Biddy, not Alicia Maldonado, or if that would just cause more problems.
Being an old biddy and a relatively early adopter, I have number of fairly prime email address of the firstnamelastname@address.com. All the other Old Biddies who have variations of this address don't always make this clear when they fill out forms, or it gets lost in transcription. For instance, there is also an Old C. Biddy who lives in Dubai and presumably has an email address similar to mine. I got an email about her electric bill. Uh, WTF, Dubai electric company? Send a real bill or do autopay, don't just send an email. I wrote back and said that I am Old M. Biddy of the US, not Old. C. Biddy of Dubai, but apparently this is not enough and I am supposed to send a copy of my passport. No fucking way.
On occasion people try to give me rebates. I could take advantage of this. I get emails about 'my' Harvard/MIT Coop rebate. I could feign ignorance and pretend that it is left over from 20 years ago and order myself a stylish sweatshirt or some beaver-logo undies (ok,I don't think they sell those, but they should) with it and no one would be the wiser. But since I am a nice person, I figured out who had mistakenly assumed that the alumni address biddy@alum.mit.edu would be theirs, simply because they were currently biddy@mit.edu, and emailed her to inform them that I was getting her emails. I don't know if she ever did anything about it.

One year out/Dream city on a hill

A year ago I was somewhere along I80, en route to Ithaca. As is always the case, it feels like forever and just yesterday since I left California.
None of you know this, but Ithaca has been one of my dream cities for a long time. The other two are Boston and Seattle. I'm sure I will acquire a few more before I leave this world. A dream city is one of those places that you just know you would like, even before you've been there, and once you're there it's just right for you. Newport, RI, Monterey, and Mendocino are also on the list of places I'd really like to live, but I'm not sure if they count since I decided I liked them after visiting. Anyway, perhaps it was too many postcard perfect pictures that I viewed, but somewhere Ithaca and Boston got ingrained into my psyche at an early age. I applied to Cornell for undergrad and grad school, got in, but did not attend (for undergrad it would've been too expensive, and for grad school it came up against my other dream city and Boston won). I applied to do a post-doc here and applied for faculty jobs, with no success. 15 years later, here I am. The world works in mysterious ways. It's still a dream city. Ever so often I have one of those moments where I am awed by how pretty it is, or am reminded about how much I like it, quirkiness and Seattle-like rain and all.
I miss California and my friends and family, but, as you know, it was good for me to leave and get a fresh start.