Dear Men of Match...

It's been interesting and informative and has provided me with a lot of blog material, but I am cancelling my subscription now.* Don't be too heartbroken about it, we weren't too into each other anyway.
But, before I go, I've got some more advice for you.
Please learn to spell. Barring that, please spell as badly as a LOLcat so I can laugh and put it on my blog.
Don't just wink at me and not send a message. That's my job. I might make an exception if you look like Javier Bardem or George Clooney, but if you looked like them you wouldn't be on Match, would you?!?
Don't dis on other people to try to impress me. If I say I don't care about height, don't make fun of short guys. Likewise, don't bitch about how most women lie about their age or weight before you meet me.
Similarly, don't mention your mother too much. That makes me nervous. However, it also makes me nervous if you've cut off ties with any of your close relatives.
I might make an exception on the distance thing, but you'll have to make it worth my while.
I won't make an exception on the 'no separated guys' rule. Don't want to go there - I have enough of my own baggage as it is. Maybe once you're divorced and I'm back on Match we can rethink things, but until then, I'm going to let those other women work out the bugs.
Lastly, T,I know you're still on Match and are logging in frequently, but I resisted the urge to look at your profile. One of these days, I may tell you about cowdude, or I may just do what you did to me and let you find out via Facebook.
L8R, dudes!
Love,
-Old biddy

* I had the automatic 3 month renewal plan, and it was about to bill me, but in reality I haven't been using it at all since October. If I hadn't been in research proposal mode last time, I might have even stopped it then. Now it's three months later and there's another proposal due in two weeks, right around the time I'd have to remember to cancel it.