Dear People of Match: In the event that you meet someone online and happen to go home with him/her, do not use any toothbrushes that might be lying around in the guest bathroom unless they are still in their original packaging. I don’t care if they are Oral-B’s, they are not intended for pre-nookie hoochie cleansing, or anything else for that matter.
In my sheltered existence, I have never had to worry about the fate of my toothbrush. It never even occurred to keep my toiletry kit in a safe place when I visited my brother. However, when staying with my brother and his buddy/roommate/landlord Herb at their bachelor pad, some things should not be taken for granted.
The big spring training tailgate bash was on Saturday. A good time was had by all. Herb had invited a Match.com date to come party with us. She brought a friend. They unintentionally provided a lot of stories and blog posts. Herb and Match Date (MD) were drunk off their asses and things degenerated into a lot of PDA’s. We left them at the bar around 9 and headed out.
After a day of sun and drinking, I was pretty sleepy since I was still on east coast time and am an old biddy. My brother dropped me off before going over to the afterparty, which was a few blocks away. I had the foresight to ask my brother for a pair of earplugs – I may be an old biddy but I am not completely clueless. And, since he lives with Herb, my brother has lots of earplugs. I took a shower and was about to go to sleep when Herb and MD showed up. She was very drunk and very loud. I heard her go into the bathroom, run the water for a long time, and then she returned to the living room and announce that she had used the toothbrush that was in the guest bathroom to clean something. Fortunately or unfortunately, I did not hear exactly what she used it for, but I suspect out that it was not her teeth, because if it were your teeth why would you announce that you cleaned something with it? Not that it really mattered, since there was no way in hell I was ever using it again, even though there was a 50% chance that she had used my brother’s toothbrush rather than mine. I put in the earplugs and went to sleep.
Some things run in the family, including a fondness for telling funny stories, so Herb is not going to live this one down for a long time.