Dear Freshman Guys of Cornell,
Please keep your hands out of your pants while you are walking around North Campus during daylight. You will not impress any women that way. Really. If you need to adjust your trousersnake, at least put your hands in your pockets or do it from the outside of your pants.
Classes start today, and so North Campus is once again full of freshmen when I am walking to the parking lot in the evening. For reasons I do not fully understand, there seems to be an epidemic of guys walking around with their hands in their pants/shorts. Really. Now I am an Old Biddy, but I am also a veteran crotch watcher and certified kilt inspector, so I know this is a new thing. The question is why. Is it related to the cut of this year's fashions? Have they perhaps been watching "Jersey Shore" too much and picking up bad habits from it? Is the class of 2015 especially well-endowed? Is there a new, highly itchy STD going around? Are they copying famous rappers even though they are a white boy wearing pants which are in no danger of falling down? Inquiring minds want to know, but in the meantime, please keep it in your pants, and keep your hands out of there.
I am apparently not the first person to notice this, as a quick Google search informed me.